This tragedy teaches us that it's entirely possible to say we believe the gospel while inwardly living by our performance, reputation, or role in the church. We may sing “Amazing Grace” on Sunday, but we rely on our own faithfulness Monday through Saturday.
By Dr. Tim Orr
Tim Keller tells a story about a family that, years ago, in a small church in central Virginia, a tragedy shook a community to its core. A young couple, devoted followers of Jesus, lost their three small children in a horrific accident. Their car, parked on an incline, slipped into gear and rolled backward into a body of water. All three children were strapped in their car seats and drowned.
At the funeral, hundreds gathered, mourning alongside the devastated parents. But what captured the community wasn’t only the tragedy but the couple’s faith. Through tears, they testified to God's comfort and presence. They stood firm in their belief that their children were with the Lord and that somehow, God would carry them through the storm. Their faith electrified the town. People saw something profound in them: strength rooted in the gospel.
Over the years, the couple had more children and remained deeply involved in their church. The husband, especially, became a leader, serving as a deacon, a respected pillar in the congregation.
But then, fifteen or twenty years after the accident, the story turned darker.
The man came to his pastor, burdened with a heavy and terrifying confession: he was being overwhelmed by lustful thoughts for another woman in the congregation. There had been no affair, no inappropriate contact—but he was obsessed. He was losing emotional connection with his wife and felt spiritually unmoored.
The pastor responded wisely. He reminded him of the gospel, called him to repentance, put him in counseling, and walked with him through accountability and prayer.
But nothing helped. Despite the external support, the man spiraled—emotionally, mentally, spiritually. He developed severe anxiety. His body began to break down. He eventually had to be hospitalized for psychiatric care.
And it was there, in the hospital, that he took his own life.
The late Tim Keller shared this sobering story in a sermon titled “How to Be Changed by the Gospel (Part 2)” (YouTube link).
After recounting the tragedy, Keller paused and said something devastatingly honest:
“Here is a man who could handle the worst suffering in the world—and he could not handle the possibility that he was a sinner.”
That line cuts deep.
This man had survived the unimaginable. He had buried his three children. He had endured the grief, the long nights, the aching void in his home—and through it all, he clung to God. But when he encountered a dark impulse within his own heart—when he saw something in himself that he could not reconcile with the image he had built—he crumbled.
Why?
Because, as Keller said, he “believed the gospel—and he didn’t believe the gospel.”
He may have affirmed justification by faith on paper. But somewhere deep inside, his functional salvation—his true source of identity and worth—was not the righteousness of Christ. It was his own moral record, his standing in the church, his role as a model husband and father, and his ability to live up to an ideal of spiritual strength.
So when that image cracked, his entire self-image collapsed with it.
This tragedy teaches us that it's entirely possible to say we believe the gospel while inwardly living by our performance, reputation, or role in the church. We may sing “Amazing Grace” on Sunday, but we rely on our own faithfulness Monday through Saturday.
But the true gospel declares: You are more sinful than you ever dared believe—and more loved than you ever dared hope.
When we root our identity in our own ability to be faithful rather than in Christ’s faithfulness to us, we either become proud or despairing. We’ll either deny our sin to preserve our self-image or collapse under the weight of guilt when we fail.
The gospel gives us the only identity to endure the full truth about ourselves. In Christ, we can admit our failures because we are not defined by them. We can face our sins because Jesus has already paid for them. We can rest, not in our ability to love Jesus but in his unshakable love for us.
Tim Keller called this “pounding the gospel into your heart”—preaching to yourself daily that your worth is not in what you do for God, but in what God has done for you.
This man’s story is a tragic reminder of what happens when we lose sight of that truth.
If you’ve found yourself unraveling—if guilt, shame, or failure has shaken your identity—hear this: You do not need to fix yourself. You do not need to rebuild your record. You need to rest in Christ.
As Keller reminded us, "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).
Even in your ugliest moment, Jesus does not turn away.
He already saw it.
And he still chose the cross.
This article was inspired by Tim Keller’s sermon: “How to Be Changed by the Gospel (Part 2).” Watch the full message here.
Tim serves full-time with Crescent Project as the assistant director of the internship program and area coordinator, where he is also deeply involved in outreach across the UK. A scholar of Islam, Evangelical minister, conference speaker, and interfaith consultant, Tim brings over 30 years of experience in cross-cultural ministry. He holds six academic degrees, including a Doctor of Ministry from Liberty University and a Master’s in Islamic Studies from the Islamic College in London.
In addition to his ministry work, Tim is a research associate with the Congregations and Polarization Project at the Center for the Study of Religion and American Culture at Indiana University Indianapolis. His research interests include Islamic antisemitism, American Evangelicalism, and Islamic feminism. He has spoken at leading universities and mosques throughout the UK—including Oxford University, Imperial College London, and the University of Tehran—and has published widely in peer-reviewed Islamic academic journals. Tim is also the author of four books.